Tag-Archive for » Funny «

Stuck a feather in his cap.

On a routine exploration of the neighborhood today we were fortunate to happen upon a lovely and lonesome feather. This was Knox’s first time seeing one of these in the wild (as it were) and he was very enthusiastic to learn about it’s origin.

“It’s a thing from a bunny!” he chirped.

I explained to him that it came from a bird, the thought of which caused him to quiver with glee.

“What should we do with it Mom? Can I wear it?”

And then, like so many curious little boys that have come before him, he tucked his treasure in the best place he could think of.

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“Do you think the lady bird is sad now Mom?

I’ll be very careful with her fedder and then she can just grow a new one.”

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Next on the day’s nature exploring agenda:

Plant Life According to Knox

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“Seeds (and plants) need Dirt, Water and Poison to grow.”

Two out of three- not too bad.

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“Now, help me dig this hole, Mom”

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“There. That’s my garden.”

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My apologies to Dovie for the involuntary donation-

of her darling Bachelor’s Buttons…

…and her dirt.

We didn’t think you would mind too much.

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I don’t like to brag but…

I found this in Jude’s back pack.

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Well, it beats what Knox says about me!

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Not-so-Secret Indulgence

As I was indulging myself on leftover birthday cake today (despite my best efforts to enjoy this afternoon decadence in secret)- all at once my tranquility was assaulted by the clamorous, curious Knox.

Upon accepting my defeat I invited him to join me and I would share with him a bit of my SECRET confection- AS LONG as he agreed to keep my secret from the other children. Of course he agreed- (ANYTHING for cake!) and the enjoyment commenced.

At first I fed him bites, he briefly complied, but then felt it was HE that should do the feeding. I reluctantly surrendered my fork which he accepted with gusto and began his work.

He proved to be much more capable of  cake handling than I expected him to be, deliberately and gently separating small bites and delivering them in turn to the appropriate destination.

Could it be that I don’t give him enough credit for having some common sense (a concept which seems all too illusive in our household)?

Perhaps.

And then, the very last bite:

“This one’s for you Mom! I know you want it.”

Ahh! My ANGEL! My sweet and thoughtful ray of sunshine!

Be-still my heart, which melts like delicate crystals of snow on a Summer’s day from just a moment’s glimpse of his sublime and heavenly eyes!

He lovingly lifts the last bite of sweetness to my grateful lips and my yearning is at last satiated. As he lowers the now empty utensil, he smiles at me with adoring sincerity and declares:

“You like it so much, Mom…because you’re BIG.”

Buzz: killed

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Simon on Freckles

“Mama…don’t take this the wrong way…

You should try Proactiv

because it will take care of all those freckles-

NOT that I don’t think you ARE pretty WITH freckles…

I just think you might be prettier WITHOUT

…and…I might like to see that.”

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Simon: Shredding people’s self esteem

by memorizing television commercials

and pitching them word for word-

to those he think might benefit-since 2002.

Copyright EagarInc.

Get it right MOM!

Today I asked Knox and Georgia if they would like

grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch.

Knox raised his eyebrows and gave me that look that says

‘Woman! You’re KILLING me!’

-and in a very resolute and condescending tone replied:

“No Mom! I DON’T want a GIRL cheese sandwich-

I want a BOY cheese sandwich!”

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Bragging Rights

“Mom, today I forgot to take something to school-

for Show-and-Tell.

So, I just showed them all my bruises!

…I have A LOT!”

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Simon, you have every right to be proud of those bruises.

I have never seen a kid crash his bike so many times-

in such a short amount of time.

But, I have also never seen a kid show such exceptional courage-

and bravery (and resilience) while doing so.

We’re all just glad you always wear your helmet-

so your face is still pretty!

We would also like to publicly thank Uncle Dan

for teaching him those sweet BMX tricks!

He wants to know when you’ll be back.

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Portrait of a Family

Here are some people I love.

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They tried to tell me that this particular photo session was just NOT happening.

I disagree.

I feel that this photo captures a moment in life beautifully.

Not just their life but my life and your life too.

All of those carefully posed masterpieces of immaculately groomed, cooperative children and seemingly un-frazzled, statuesque parents…

ALL FAKE!

Those portraits are admittedly nice to look at and hang on the wall-

but is that who we really are?

I love this picture because it tells me a story.

You can almost hear the things these people are saying to each other

and feel the thoughts of those disgruntled babies…

Not to mention the beaming ray of sunshine

smack-dab in the middle practically screaming out “All is well!”

This is life.

And, life is indeed beautiful!

Okay, so now let’s take one more look at this Portrait of a Family.

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NOT my mouse.

Well, my friends…the very WORST has happened.
I should have seen it coming.
I knew it was inevitable.
And yet, here I sit feeling ambushed and violated.

Georgia has learned to use the mouse.


She has even discovered that the little spinny wheel thing in the middle

makes the screen go up and down.

She could sit and look at pictures, or words,

or not look at pictures…or words for hours.

Oh, what a thrill.

It sounds a little like this:

“Mine, Mum! My turn! Want see pishurrs!

YAY, PISHURRS!

No, Mum! Don’t touch! Mine!”

I am no longer granted access to the computer unless she is otherwise engaged or sleeping.

Of course, I am required to provide the comforts of my lap and frequent comments and pleasantries to Her Majesty as long as she wishes to be looking or not looking at pictures-

and/or words-

…for hours.

But, I must not challenge her for creative control…otherwise…

well, things could get ugly.

It’s going to be a long life.

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Kitchen Cosmos

Imagine

-the creation of a vast and beautiful world,

NAY,

an entire UNIVERSE

…both delicate and astronomical in scale….

…Endless midnight skies gracefully cascading over brilliant, whirling galaxies….

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…Billowing gossamer clouds gliding like transparent ghosts

over numberless barren plains, mountain tops and rolling seas

…an infinite multitude of worlds

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…raging, VIOLENT storms swirling and screaming through the cosmos…

…terrifying vortexes of dark matter…

-agitated by the absolute hand of their mighty and

OMNIPOTENT creator.

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…and there is calm.

Colors exquisite and rare

…finely woven fibers of beauty and eternal tranquility.

…Creation of such resplendent genius and mystery can only come from one DIVINE source…

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Me.

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Yes, I

(Lil’ ole me)

-am that creator of worlds unfathomed by human imagination.

And, would you like to know what’s even spookier?

I don’t even have to work at it.

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Pride and Joy

Boys like to brag about their dads.

You know what I mean.

You’ve got your timeless classics such as:

“My Dad is smarter than your Dad.”

or

“My Dad can beat up your Dad”

or

“My Dad can wrestle wild platypus way better than your Dad!”

I like to think that my kids are special when it comes to traditional concepts

with a modern (some would say…bonkers) twist.

Sovery special.

On that note let’s revisit a conversation between three boys.

Boy#1: “My Dad has a new car!”

Boy #2: “My Dad can beat ANY video game! Any video game in the whole galaxy!

Knox: “My Dad is….is… My Dad is GIANT!

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