You know it’s time to pay the piper when you get a threatening call from the Elementary School secretary concerning your delinquent lunch money account.
Such was the case for us today.
Actually it was a voicemail which went a little something like this:
“Mr. and Mrs. Eagar, your darling children are now IN THE RED on their lunch accounts which means that the good people of Fussypants Elementary have now been feeding these filthy beggars out of the goodness and charity of their long suffering hearts for ONE ENTIRE DAY! It is my duty to inform you that the next time (tomorrow) your starving urchins approach our food service professionals with their dirty little paws open they will absolutely and without further ado be DENIED sustenance. For further uninterrupted food service please send your little darlings to the front office BEFORE school and ALONE to execute the exchange of funds (brown paper bag, small unmarked bills only.) Tell no one.
This message will self destruct in 30 seconds.
Yours truly,
Mrs. Trunchbull, Child Discipline Specialist.”
There’s a small chance the message has been slightly editorialized by myself….very small. Nevertheless, come on! I was, in fact, told that they would not be allowed to eat lunch tomorrow without payment and that’s just policy. It’s not as though I would only pay the lunch bill once I had been sufficiently threatened with the well being of my children. I am a reasonable woman.
I don’t know, call me crazy- I think we may be taking ourselves a little too seriously…starving children to teach the parents…hmph.
Moving on- Simon gets the message in the form of a stamp on his hand (think star-clad arm bands during the holocaust.) Yes, he has been MARKED!
Sign of the devil!!! AHHHH!!!
We have all been humiliated now.
But, we must carry on. Now is not the time to stick it to the man- not when my child’s lunch is at stake. We obediently sign the check to Mrs. Trunchbull and her Food Service Professionals and hand it over to Simon.
“DO NOT forget to take this to the office in the morning!” says we.
“What is it for?” asks he.
“It’s lunch money”
…
…..
“What…is lunch money?” he inquires.
“What do you mean ‘WHAT is lunch money?’
It’s money so you can eat lunch!”
…
…..
“Oh…you mean…we have to PAY to be fed?”
…awkward silence followed by boisterous expressions of amusement…
He wanders off, shaking his head, bemused by this new doozy of a concept.
So, there you have it.
The little beggar had no clue.
I remember racking up days of lunch before paying. I really love that they left this message for you. It seems like what I would get if we ever got over. At our school they start warning the kids when the account gets down to about $10 so L gets all crazy about it and I keep thinking “He only eats school lunch once a week – I still have a month for him to eat.” But I pay it to keep Mrs Trunchbull and L happy!